Dry…
I feel so empty, dried out. I should be happy. Liz apologized yesterday for this whole mess we’ve been growing through. And it was a real apology; it was sincere. And I wanted her to take responsibility and she did. but instead of feeling elated (and I did for about 5 hours), I’m back to this anxious, restless, unhappy, wandering feeling. Maybe I am just ungrateful.
But, of course, this isn’t all about my interpersonal conflict with Liz. It’s this overall state I’m in. I feel so thirsty for steadfast affection. I want a family. A real family. I just feel disconnection when it comes to the word. I want a place where I feel at home. And I don’t have that. And it pains me.
I’ve been working really hard when it comes to all this school stuff. I’ve been trying to do my thing, you know, immerse myself in my studies. And all that just feels empty right now.
I know my life has meaning and purpose. I know that my God is shaping it. But I feel downtrodden today. I guess this is just one of those times when you paste on a smile and keep going. Pull yourself up by the bootstraps.
I guess I just want to feel more connected to people than just through a facebook status, a twitter update, or a readerless blog…
